Well it’s officially 2022 and I’ve beeen writing this for nearly 6 months. I haven’t found the head space to finish it. I’ve nothing remotely positive to say about 2021 – sorry! The last year was a complete pancake. At the end of the year, 30th November to be specific the most scariest day of… Continue reading Brain Bleed
Something resonated with me the other day. Someone said what you need to do “is go with your most closest friend..” I zoned out after that. I’ve thought for a long time, I’ve mulled things over in my head and it’s something I’ve addressed in therapy. I don’t have any friends. Not proper ones. On… Continue reading The emptiness
I never thought at almost 7 I would be changing my daughters nappy multiple times a day. I never thought at almost 18kg I would still be carrying her in my arms up and down the stairs, too and from the car or in and out of the bath. I never thought at almost 7… Continue reading Stuck
If you’ve followed my blog, my last post was about my time being detained and the final part of my so called “recovery”. I’m going to go back to this and explain what happened next. I was in the MBU and after an “incident” Beatrix was taken off of me and I was transferred to… Continue reading 2020 – F**ck you.
Since before Christmas Ava has unfortunately been very unwell and has had 3 operations, she is due to go for her fourth one today. Life is this fast lane is hard! Life with a special needs child is never ending, it’s like someone has thrown a grenade at you and told you to run. Just… Continue reading The Struggle
Do you know what. Fuck it. If I can get this out there to save someone, to break the stigma then I’m willing to bare my soul. I will sacrifice my privacy, my deepest most personal thoughts to try and save myself. Two months ago I reached a crisis point, I sat in my lounge… Continue reading Suicide.
So many people time and time again question how I do it? Do what? Be a parent, a mum? I just do, just like every other mum I know. The days you don’t hear from me, the days I lay low are the days I admit to myself that it’s overwhelming, that I need time… Continue reading Carer vs Mother
Recently in the area that I live, the disabled community have been getting a right bashing about parking. A local supermarket has supposedly put even more disabled bays in their car park and shock horror they have moved the mother and child bays further away from the store. Now as not only a mother, I… Continue reading Disabled Parking
Every now and then I find myself looking through Ava’s memory box and I have a good cry. I always rummage through and reflect back on the moment in time she first wore her teeny tiny sleepsuit, she was 2 weeks old and she had worn nothing but a nappy since the day she was… Continue reading Memory Box
To the parents that lost their shit today. because the nurses and doctors put my child first and not yours, I’m sorry. Actually I’m not sorry, because do you know what? I’ve endured 3 months in this hospital with my daughter fighting for her life, endless, tests, blood transfusions and operations and you are here… Continue reading My Daughter comes before your son.