Chasing Shadows

I shared a post on here 4 weeks ago about PND. Now my baby is 12 weeks old I feel able to enlighten and open up old wounds a bit more, if only for my own sanity.

The one thing that has really struck me about my whole experience as a mother, and a mother of a disabled child, is just how consuming it is. Just how lonely it can be and in fact is.

I could count on one hand …in fact half a hand the amount of friends that I have. And in terms of friends I feel I can talk to… Well that’s a grand total of 0.

Each day seems to be getting harder and easier? How is that possible!

Which each day that passes my beautiful son who is now three months old is developing and growing so quickly, he’s long since over taken is 14 month old sister who is yet to sit unaided. She can’t help it and it was never something that I had done during my pregnancy that caused her awful disability, it is simply “one of those things”…

So, I find Myself aimlessly wandering round my house when the children are entertaining themselves or taking a nap and I often think of the what could have Been, or what really happened to my “friends” when they seemed to drop off the radar? And if I hear one more time “well they’re not true friends then” I think I will personally rip someone’s tongue out… Just saying.

So with my feelings of lonliness out there, nothing will change any time soon, I have a mound of washing to get through, and a baby who is now screaming to be fed.

I’m a mum, a nurse, a therapist, a cook and a cleaner – I guess sometimes all I need is a friend.

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