a whole 24 hours had past and nothing was happening except gushes of water was leaking. 

Time was up littke miss you had to come out!

Steven and I took our time, took in the moments in our home knowing it would no longer be the 2 of us returning. We had some dinner and slowly made our way to the maternity unit at my local hospital. 

Once we arrived it was a long wait and by the time it they were ready to insert the pessary it was almost midnight! 

My labour took forever to progress and I ended up on a hormone drip and epidural, on 29/07/2014 I was rushed to theatre and at 21:05 GMT my daughter Ava was born weighing 5lb 6.

She was taken straight from me and required 8 minutes and 3 cycles of CPR.

What was going on? I had no idea and as I lay powerless in theatre, Steven in tears next to me I was sure she was dead…

That moment I lay there thinking I’ve carried this baby for 9months, and I’ve lost her, the emptiness I felt, the guilt I felt my heart was shattered and I could do nothing but stare at the clock and I didn’t even want my partner to touch me, no nagger how desperate he was to try and hold my hand, I didn’t speak a word.