Holes In My Pocket

When Ava was originally sent to GOSH, one of the doctors said to us “oh she will be here 3 weeks maximum” … Nothing could honestly have prepared us for 6 months. 6 whole months!

She was gravely ill in intensive care, however, at the point of us deciding to take more pictures of Ava the days merged into one.

Ava spent 2 weeks in intensive care until she was deemed well enough to be transferred to a high dependency ward.

She was truly a miracle. Despite her condition she had pulled through and fought against all odds.

From being ventilated and drugs keeping her alive, it’s just wow.

In the bleakness and the harshness of your child being so poorly you want to do all you can for them, you want and should be at their side every day every second, every minute.

One thing I think a lot of people forget is the costs involved. Totalled up it cost us almost £1,000 every month to travel to see her every day. The pot was empty, holes in our pockets and we couldn’t afford to continue how we were going.

It was terrible.
To this day it eats me up that I had to split my week in half, half at home being “normal” half at GOSH because we had the spare money. I had to live knowing someone else was caring for my child the way a mother should, comforting her when she was upset. Doing the things a mother should do. It was heart wrenching.

I hope she knows that it wasn’t through choice. We had to do it this way other wise bills would not be paid, we’d have no home to take her home to, we’d have nothing for her.

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